Autism/Asperger's and College Students (for Parents)

First year college students on the Autism/Asperger’s spectrum often face difficulties adjusting to their new lives. Getting along with others and making friends can be a challenge. Negotiating college bureaucracy can be an issue. Dealing with professors who may or may not be willing to make necessary accommodations can be challenging. Coping with a new space and environment with all of it’s sensory input and different space can be problematic. Many students even have difficulty dealing with the bureaucracy dealing with college disability offices!

So what’s to be done? First, make sure you’re in contact with the college and the disability office before your student begins, and figure out what accommodations must be made. Take your student to visit the campus beforehand. Help them figure out where classes will take place and practice finding the proper rooms and buildings.

Now these suggestions are all well and good, but eventually parents will have to let go and let their student begin to deal with these issues on their own. So, what’s to be done? If at all possible, let your child begin to take on more and more responsibility in high-school. This can be something as simple as getting a part-time job, beginning to let your student “sink or swim” more often, and then process afterwards what worked and what didn’t in order to achieve their goal.

Once at college, parents need to let go as much as possible. Your student most likely is a legal adult by now and parents’ input can oftentimes feel like “interference” to college advisors and set you at odds with the system. Teaching the student ways to regulate emotion is key. Also, having your student if possible advocate for themselves in finding the right accommodations. If possible allowing for time-outs during classes if necessary, and of course extended test-taking time in a separate room (although this isn’t always the only answer). Remember the college is not obligated to make any accommodations beyond those that are “reasonable”. Reasonable can vary from school to school and from instructor to instructor. Again early preparation, emotional regulations skills, and early exposure to gradually increasing self-reliance early on can go a long way.

Healing Through Horses

Hope and Cisco showing some love.

I’m generally not a horse person, but last summer that changed. My wife and I discovered an amazing place in Taos, NM called Equine Spirit Sanctuary (ESS) . There, I got to experience first-hand the power of the horse. I know this will sound strange—when I first put my hands on a particular young horse aptly named “Hope” I felt an “electricity” I can’t explain, the feeling stayed with me for the rest of the day. By the way, Hope is a rescue horse that was attacked by wild dogs as a baby, she wasn’t supposed to make it. But through the loving care of Ruth, the woman who runs ESS, she is now a relatively healthy proud princess. As the horses heal, so do the people. Working with horses to help heal and facilitate growth has been an accepted practice for many years now. People with autism and Asperger’s find a way to calm their often overwhelmed sensory system to improve functioning. One autistic young man I recently spoke with said that working with the horse helped him to establish empathy. He said that he needed to be attuned at all moments to the needs and temperament of the horse. Many people say that autistic people lack empathy—this is not true! In addition, Equine Assisted Psychotherapy can be a powerful way for people with PTSD to heal. Whether these are veterans of war or victims of domestic violence, working with horses can provide a calming and safe space for healing. These folks have said that a horse was the first “person” they could trust. How all of this happens is yet to be scientifically explained for the most part, but it does seem to work. I was in a workshop recently where the issue of scientific proof came up. I found myself saying, “You can’t measure magic!”. I don’t know how scientific that statement was, but it seemed to fit.

Respect For People On The Spectrum

My fundamental approach to working with people on the Asperger’s/Autism Spectrum is to allow them to be themselves and to provide a relationship in which their differences are accepted and even celebrated. People on the Asperger’s/Autism spectrum are not defective and do not need to be “cured”. Yet, there are specific issues that can be addressed in therapy/coaching and may need to be. These include: emotional regulation, stress reduction, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationships, to name a few. Oftentimes well-meaning therapists and others who care for people on the spectrum focus on forcing the individual to fit within a certain mold. This can lead to increased stress, poor self-esteem and actually a decrease in functioning. By treating folks on the spectrum as actual people with unique needs, abilities, and characteristics, they can begin to flourish.